1911—Counsel from a Friend
Colin and Anna sat at the café. "I can't keep living like this. I never know…"
Her words trailed off into silence. It was a lie. She knew where Chase was and whom he was with. She could close her eyes and see them as clear as if she stood beside them. The fact accounted for the redness of her eyes. She could not sleep without seeing them together. The visions sickened her. She began again. "What am I to do?"
"Do what you promised to do. Be his wife." Colin set his cup on the table.
"How can I be his wife when he is hardly ever home to be a husband? You know where he is as well as I do."
"That doesn’t matter. You do what you promised God you would do—to be his wife, till death do you part. Do you remember your part of the vows?"
"Vaguely, yes. I remember. I only wish he remembered his part as well." She sipped her tea and stared out toward the harbor.
"What he does is not your concern. You need only be concerned with what you are supposed to do." Colin reached across the table, took her hand, and folded it in his. "Anna, if you want to retain your comfortable life, the one you have planned so long for, you’ll need to make a few concessions. I know it’s not right, but your husband has a mistress and there is nothing you can do about it. Be there when he wants you and be strong when he’s away." His seriousness gave way to a smile as he released her hand. "Are you willing to give up all you have because he is unfaithful?"
"No, I guess not. He leaves me alone for days, weeks at a time. If he is going to go, why does he not just go and stay there?"
"Why should he give up what he has?" Anna opened her mouth to protest, but Colin raised a hand. He continued, "Because he is a man of wealth and leaving you might damage his reputation and financial standing. Is he so very hard to live with?"
"As difficult as he is to live with, he is hard to live without." She pouted. "No one but you knows how he is and what he is doing. I've not told anyone else. You are the only one I can talk to about this."
"So I am, again, after all these years, the big brother who will protect you. I enjoy the position." He sat back and looked out of the window. "The only thing I can suggest you do is go home and be there when he comes back. Greet him at the door with a loving smile, and a loving embrace like those I have been unable to enjoy in the years since you chose him over me."
Anna was surprised. "I never knew you took any notice of me beyond the position of tease." How she missed those days. If only she could tell Colin how much she had enjoyed his attentions so many years ago.
Colin faced her squarely, and leaned across the table with a sudden seriousness in his demeanor. He spoke in a near-whisper as he eyed the tables around them to see if anyone listened. "You don't know of the many nights I made my way in the dark to your house, fooling myself to think I would have the courage to speak to your father. I was willing to defy my father for you." His voice betrayed fierce emotions. He reached for her hand again, and held it tight. "I would walk to your gate and, at the last moment, look up to see your light on and the fear of rejection would fill my soul. I would turn round and go home again to lay sleepless through the night entertaining thoughts of you until I would ache." He released her hand, and settled back on his chair in total hopelessness.
Anna was surprised by his confession. She had no idea he held such passionate desire for her. "Why did you fear rejection? My father would not have…"
"It was not his rejection I feared to face. It was yours I could not bear to hear. I knew what you wanted in life and I couldn’t have provided it. When you met Chase, I could only step aside."
He reverted to the matter-of-fact Colin he had been moments before, smiling and carefree. The pain in his voice disappeared as suddenly as it had come. "To be near you, I had to befriend Chase. As his friend, I am compelled to counsel you to return home to wait for him." He leaned back in his chair, and spread his hands in resignation.
"Is this all you have to say? Go home and wait for him? How long am I to wait?" She would spend long hours later at home pondering Colin's confession. He had been so passionate she feared further conversation on the matter in a public place.
"As long as it takes for him to come home," he continued. "Invite some of those prissy ladies you socialize with to come keep you company. Have a tea party or whatever it is you women do to keep yourselves occupied while we men are out in the world slaying the dragons and raising your support."
"Raising my support?" Anna almost laughed at his way with words. "He is out for his own pleasure, not for any part of mine. But, as an obedient sister, dear brother, I will do as you say."
Colin stood to offer his arm. He led her through the tables to the coach that waited outside. Shaw held out his hand to help her in.
"Give him a chance to redeem himself," Colin said. "Are you ready to give up the time you have spent together? What is it now, four years?"
The number surprised her. "Only four? It seems like a lifetime. And no, I suppose not."
"There you have it. You are a sensible woman after all." He took her hand and kissed it. "Take care, Miss Anna. Things will work out." He stepped back, closed the door, and nodded to Shaw to drive on.
Anna thought on his words as they made their way home. She would try to not think about Chase while he was gone. She made up some excuse about his whereabouts if anyone asked. She knew gossip would quickly spread through the servants to the surrounding estates but there was nothing she could do so why worry about it? By the time she reached home, she decided to have a tea party.
Michelle met her at the door and took her cloak and bag. The watch pinned to her blouse read seven o'clock. It was not too late to send a few invitations to tea the following afternoon. Anna went to her writing desk in the parlor and quickly wrote out several short invitations for the next day. She gave them to Shaw to deliver.
With that finished, she summoned Mrs. Weathers to make arrangements for the gathering. "I'm sorry I have given you such short notice for setting up this little party. It was a sudden idea I had."
"It is no problem, madam. I understand your loneliness."
"Excuse me? What do you mean?"
"Pardon my frankness, madam, but I have noticed your distress at Mr. Trent being away. Is he to return soon?"
Anna knew this would come up sooner or later. The servants would have heard Chase and her discussing his behavior when he was home. She'd be a fool to think they would not know what was going on. Mrs. Weathers played ignorant of the situation to try to be a comfort.
"He was not sure how long his business in London would take. I hope to hear from him soon," she said, without looking up. She hated to lie for him. It seemed she did it more and more often.
"This gathering will do much to pass the time and cheer you, madam." She bustled out of the room to make arrangements.
* * * *
The day was warm and sunny. Anna decided to have the tea in the side garden by the drive. The party could see the carriages as they arrived to deposit her closest and most entertaining guests. Shaw and Mrs. Weathers arranged table and chairs in the comfort of the shaded area. They served cold chicken, salads of various kinds, cheeses, and meats. Anna enjoyed the day and the company with great delight until her happiness shattered as if it were crystal cast onto a marble floor.
An elaborate coach with curtained windows drew up before the house, one she did not immediately recognize. A cold chill gripped her as she realized it was the one she had seen behind Chase's office. As she watched in utter horror, Chase stepped out. He raked his fingers through his tousled hair and pulled his clothing straight. He pulled his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the red marks from his mouth.
Anna closed her eyes, and knew what was to come. As all of her guests watched, a graceful arm reached out, and pulled Chase in. When he stood again, the red marks were reapplied to his mouth. He laughed and teased the unseen woman when he finally noticed his audience and Anna watching his humiliating display.
Dropping her napkin, Anna ran as fast as she could past the serving table, into the house. She could not get to her room fast enough. How could she ever face any of her friends again after his blatant display of infidelity?
She thought back to what Colin said the evening before. How could she possibly be the loving wife he counseled her to be? This was the worst thing Chase had done. He could not have done anything to wound her more than humiliate her in front of her guests.
Her insides were on fire. The pain burned through every inch of her being. It hurt, causing her to double over, and she pressed her fist to her mouth to stop from crying out. Her head pounded and she felt her food fight to climb up her throat. She swallowed hard against it. She had to get under control before he came in. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her upset like this.
Colin said to be the loving wife. She would be. She set her mind that Chase would never see her cry. She refused to let him know the pain he caused her. She would be strong, completely in control. She dried her tears and checked her face in the mirror. In a last minute act of defiance, she piled her hair up and secured it.
Raising her head proudly, she set her shoulders back. She was ready to face him.
There was a light tap on the door. She knew it was Chase and was in no hurry to answer. She took several deep breaths before she called out in a strong, unfeeling voice, "Who is it?"
"Darling, it's me. May I come in?" His voice was rich with feigned love. It angered her.
"If you wish." Her words were cold.
The door opened and he strolled in as if nothing had happened. He crossed the room and kissed her on the cheek. He continued on to the window, which looked down on the garden where Anna 's guests called for their drivers.
"I see you are entertaining. Is the gathering over so soon?" He turned and looked at her with a questioning, glassy-eyed look. "I believe it is. They came for tea. I doubt they were expecting a show as well."
Anna could contain herself no longer. Without knowing how she got there, she flew to him and, before she could even think of what she was doing, she slapped him as hard as she could across his face. He had the audacity to look shocked. She raised her hand for a second strike but he caught her wrist in mid-swing, and twisted her arm downward.
"Don't do it again, Anna." He glared at her for a long moment. "I'll be in my study." He released her arm and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Anna stood, stunned at what she had done. Some small part of her was pleased with the way the palm of her hand burned.
Her face felt hot as she put her hands to her cheeks. She turned to look down on the garden and saw Mrs. Weathers return her gaze with sympathy, shaking her head as she turned to clear the buffet from the abandoned party.
In her stubbornness, Anna decided the fight was not over. She had been humiliated in front of her guests and the servants. What did she have to lose? The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. Anna stormed downstairs, flung the study door open and pushed it closed with a slam, not caring who heard. Chase looked up from the papers he was studying.
"You’ve done me the greatest injury," she began. "It is not bad enough you disappear days on end, but now, you have her drop you off in broad daylight in front of, not only the neighbors and servants, but my closest friends." She rushed to his desk from where he glared at her. He leaned back very casually in his chair, and folded his arms across his chest. "How can you be so calm about this? Can you not see what you have done?"
"Don't be so upset, my dear. It will soon be over and you won't have to worry about being humiliated by me again." He spoke softly. A welt had risen on his face. "I promise you this day, Mrs. Trent, as soon as I may arrange it, you will be a divorced woman and free of me forever. Is the thought pleasing to your ears, madam?" He raised his eyebrows as if he offered some desired treat. His dark eyes sparkled.
Anna straightened her back, and tried not to show her shock. "That, sir, is no threat. We both know you have never kept a promise in your life." She stared into his eyes until he looked away. She flung the door open and allowed it to bang into the wall as she crossed the entry hall and mounted the stairs.
Once in her room, she paced back and forth. What would she do if he did fulfill this latest threat? She would have no place to go. Move home to her parents? Never. Mother would be the last place she would go. She wondered how much of the estate she would be able to keep? Would she have enough money to support herself? What of the shame? She pushed the thought away. It was his shame, not hers.
Anna would be his wife for as long as God willed it. She would not be the one to leave. He would have to be the one to go. When he was gone, she would get on with her life. There. She'd said it. She would be all right.
* * * *
Sometime after she was in bed, he came to her. He came in silently and said nothing, but took his pleasure. There was no love on his part and only humiliation on hers. He was her husband and he had his rights. She set her jaw so she would not speak the disgust she felt and turned her face toward the window as she prayed it would soon be over. It was his way to show his perceived dominance and victory. If she fought against it, he would enjoy hurting her; she knew it would only add to his pleasure.
Finally, he slept while she watched out the window until the sun rose. She fell into an exhausted, restless sleep, seeing the laughing face of the woman who shared her husband.
* * * *
"Anna, wake up."
The words were whispered in her ear. She was exhausted and wished to remain in the peaceful world of dreams.
"Anna!"
Anna jolted awake. She opened her eyes. Chase lay beside her. She rolled away from him.
"That's all right. You only have to listen. When you decide to get up, one of the girls will pack your things for a week. I have decided to send you on holiday, as you call it. You need time away, I think."
"What? Where are you sending me?" Anna turned to face him, alarmed at the thought of being sent away. For a whole week?
"Brighton."
"Brighton?"
"You’ll be there for a week. Enjoy it." He threw the covers back, rose, and pulled on his robe. He faced her, his hands in his pockets. "I’ve hired a hansom to deliver you to the train station. You'll be staying at the Grand Hotel Brighton. Your ride will be waiting when you come downstairs."
He smirked at her, waiting for a reaction. She gave him none. "By the way, I believe this is yours." He tossed something onto the bed, wrapped his robe around his body, and left the room.
Anna picked up the shining object and found it to be the cuff link she had apparently left in his office.
To Be Continued...
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© 2008 Jena Galifany/Marge Conrad
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